I Don’t Know You

 I look in the mirror and I find I don’t know you anymore
I don’t know this person I see
This person I live in
I remember trying to live a normal life
And when I resurfaced from the waters I had been suffocating in
I saw I was living like the dead
Alone, in a room, and anything but normal
A child and nothing more
Hurting and scared all the time
Sad and wishing for someone or something to fulfill
Words couldn’t describe
You knew your weakness and how ugly and powerless you could feel
You knew you weren’t them like you do now
But I’ve gotten colder, and you had more faith
You had a drive, a will to live,
But I can feel that is slowly dying to
How much could anyone hurt you?
They could destroy everything
So you grew your hate
And your fat body and unhappy mind began to hurt
Your skin began to hurt
You were sensitive and sometimes that still is true
But you knew something was wrong with you
You shouldn’t have been and you didn’t ask to be
So you hated everything and then you hated yourself
Your hate grew like a tree
But now I can feel it overgrowing the fence lines of your heart
So you planted a few ideas
And a big one came true when you needed it and were weak
So now I plan to be better to be fierce and deadly and something wilder than all your imagination growing in that room
No matter where I end up
I have reached the end of this life limit
I want more
I want more for the arms that wrapped themselves around you at night because they had nowhere else to be
The earth was your friend and so was everything inside
Because outside now that I evoke old tired thoughts
I remember all the pain
But I’m done with the pain
Done with people and society and being this way
You became me as you got tired of everything
Hate because love was dead like god was dead to Nietzsche
There is no trust amongst these animals we call people
They are all just as corrupt
People always comment on you
Because to see what they are would kill them because they contradict their own sick and stupid society
You could never feel good enough
But we will be
I thought I didn’t know you
but maybe you don’t know me

overcast soul

 Ah By the tears of the rain in the pavement cracks 
Sealing the breaks in the hardened and cold voice
I remember so many times
The sky looked like a warped kind of you
In the summer I lusted for winter and in the winter I Thought of summer
The way I missed you is so similar
When you’re here it’s left me wanting
When you’re gone I’m simply miserable
But it doesen’t matter anyway
The world is dying
Christmas has no cheer just like all the other days
I want to disappear in the snow
Not in the pollution
Not in the pain and suffering
Not in this man-made America
You could not understand
This I know because I see it in your diamond eyes
With looks that should cut me
Mother I bleed and I can only look at you with everything but anything good
It hurted me
It deserted me
The cold goes into my body
As I stare over the bay of land

My Affection Withers In This Tragedy

 There was a time when I’d see us walking amongst the trees and rain 
Now all I see when I look down at your grave
Is the television that day, unphased reporter saying x amount dead
Another mass killing and my life has been ruined again
The tears Have carved a labyrinth of paths through my heart
I can’t make sense of wrong and right
I thought I’d felt it all before this grief so heavy bared across my back
Like rain of steel piercing all of me
I hate it all I hate you all
What was so wrong with all of you
Now everything I ever had was stolen away
Seeing visions in my sorrow of someone I loved in a heaven I didn’t believe in
Now I need that heaven more than ever
I need it if I ever wanna see you again
This world doesn't hold a fucking thing for me
I cry as I lay all day and all night where you sleep forever
I want my revenge that I’ll never have
I want to make something better
Because I know I’ll never love again
As the tools of death ring in ears everywhere
Politicians and religious figures offer prayers and silence
I don’t want your pity
I want something back that no one can give me
I don’t care why they did it
I know the killer probably had pain inside to
But I will never forgive and never relate
For all the agony and torture my soul holds now is all their fault
And it wasn’t my loves fault for any of it so why and how can it all be gone
How could you do that to someone who never knew you and never hurt you
I am marked by the ashes of this apocalypse until I die
Nothing’s changing because no one can understand what’s going on
No one’s listening, they just act like they are
And I know it’s not gonna be the last time