I Don’t Know You

 I look in the mirror and I find I don’t know you anymore
I don’t know this person I see
This person I live in
I remember trying to live a normal life
And when I resurfaced from the waters I had been suffocating in
I saw I was living like the dead
Alone, in a room, and anything but normal
A child and nothing more
Hurting and scared all the time
Sad and wishing for someone or something to fulfill
Words couldn’t describe
You knew your weakness and how ugly and powerless you could feel
You knew you weren’t them like you do now
But I’ve gotten colder, and you had more faith
You had a drive, a will to live,
But I can feel that is slowly dying to
How much could anyone hurt you?
They could destroy everything
So you grew your hate
And your fat body and unhappy mind began to hurt
Your skin began to hurt
You were sensitive and sometimes that still is true
But you knew something was wrong with you
You shouldn’t have been and you didn’t ask to be
So you hated everything and then you hated yourself
Your hate grew like a tree
But now I can feel it overgrowing the fence lines of your heart
So you planted a few ideas
And a big one came true when you needed it and were weak
So now I plan to be better to be fierce and deadly and something wilder than all your imagination growing in that room
No matter where I end up
I have reached the end of this life limit
I want more
I want more for the arms that wrapped themselves around you at night because they had nowhere else to be
The earth was your friend and so was everything inside
Because outside now that I evoke old tired thoughts
I remember all the pain
But I’m done with the pain
Done with people and society and being this way
You became me as you got tired of everything
Hate because love was dead like god was dead to Nietzsche
There is no trust amongst these animals we call people
They are all just as corrupt
People always comment on you
Because to see what they are would kill them because they contradict their own sick and stupid society
You could never feel good enough
But we will be
I thought I didn’t know you
but maybe you don’t know me

Life After Death

When you’re sitting at the funeral wake 
And the purple mountains are tainted with hazy red and orange
And as beautiful as the earth really seems
Everyone around you is full of bullshit you know
You don’t have no one, no shoulders to lay a head upon nor cry upon
And even if you did wouldn’t all your regrets still be there in the morning
Every midday, every afternoon
You love to see every minute of the sun
But you stay up most of the night to wait out the storm in the dark
Baptized bastards, and you can tell them from so far away
They try to run you to the edge of the world
So you can fall right off the edge
But you just keep going around and around
And no one anywhere cares about you
Whether you live or should you die
Weather you lay on your bed bleeding
Or on the floor crying
Your body sore with welts
Or bruises the size of fists or big bosomed women
The cigarettes ain’t helping you anyway
Your hangover getting worse
Age is a pile of mule shit 
Even though you don’t have a single wrinkle on your skin
You’re turning grey