Moments

The most god forsaken moment of my life
It's a day where I count my curses, not blessings
It's full of anguish and suicidal thoughts
The therapist doesn't understand a thing
I talk to the dust and spiders on my ceiling
My only friends
My family is not as lonely, in all their coffins
If I cannot live with you, I will not live at all
If I cannot see or hear you, I will not see or hear at all
This moment sticks to me like ashes from an urn
This blood flows through me like heroin
This numbing from screaming in my fucking throat
And in my fucking throat I croak as my anger turns to sobbing laughter
And in my mind I feel a tremor like the one in my hand
The hand I use to sip vodka
The most hurt filled moment of my life
A moment I do not know how I survived