I'm not telling you anything, anymore
What? So you can call me liar, fuck you
When I tell you how grandmother said,
" You better remember grandpa
Because this is the last time you're gonna see him
Because tonight, when he's asleep..."
KKKRREAKAKKKK
She says this while running a finger over her throat
She slams her door again, And i scream and I cry
In fear and hate, I scream and cry
You didn't see those eyes
Like walking in the night with no moonlight
Her face entirely wet with tears
All these years later and their screaming won't stop
My uncle lives with them
I can tell you about he's teasing and bullying and laughing at me
But If I had a dollar for everyone that hurt me
I'd have enough to buy a weapon with a bullet for everyone plus me
So he's just another motherfucker except the times he chased me for fighting back
"Call my stuff stupid Does the word fuck face mean anything to you?"
You don't like the F word?
Chasing me to the room i'm locked in
Beating to break the door
My grandfather tries to pick the lock
He doesn't give a good goddamn what happens to me
As long as that damn door doesn't cave '
The only thing saving me from getting beat is them beating on each other
1,2,3 cop cars in the driveway
Doesn't matter nothing ever happens
I guess that's what you had in mind when you said they're just old fashioned
Pulling knives on me
Try to push my eyes in with your thumbs
Corner me, chase me, beat me with you'r fists some more
I hardly feel it anymore
Yell at me and call me everything you can think of
It's doesn't matter , I hardly feel that to
My mom used to watch me in the shower
She made me touch her on the chest where I shouldn't have
Coat hangers, belts , shoes, frying pans, remotes, books, food
Open handed or white knuckled fists, it's all the same
My head, my back, my legs, my arms, my chest
But all someone like you can say is " Are you sure that really happend?"
Hell yeah I'm sure, I felt it motherfucker
"Was it really that bad?"
I don't exaggerate and if I did you couldn't tell
What do you know about this world, the real world, you civilized piggy
And some one else just has to say,
" Hey I've been there and i don't think what you have to say is all that bad.
I've seen a whole lot worse."
Yeah, oh yeah? Let me sum you up
While you experienced a fraction of darkness
Something you say is "Bigger than me"
Trying to suck me into your mine is worse than yours game
I learned well and I stayed strong
But your little story about not getting all that material you wanted
From a good present rich daddy and a subservient mother
You shoved every substance you could inside every hole you have
And like another weak junkie you cleaned up and became a saved and born again hypocrite
So it means so much coming from a man with a cross on his head
Some whispers in my ear " Hey, I heard so and so say she doesn't believe you."
Does It look like I give a shit?
Like I fucking care
It happened so believe it or don't
You don't know about being solitary
So many years around so many faces
Only paying you a negative mind
I can't stand to talk to anyone
To look at them
It's so painful to interact, I spectate instead
And I've learned to hate you
Before you get to know me enough to hate me
Look at me like the fucking freak
A monster that I am
Just for my hate and anger
I'm sick and I'm tired
I'm sick and I'm tired
Of being the only one who can't hate
While you call me everything
But the only liar is you
Keep lying to yourself
Alternative Darkness 